June 12 2010

I keep seeing things out of the corner of my eyes. When I turn my head there is usually something there that explains what I saw... but it's not the same thing I 'saw'. It's hard to explain. It's starting to freak me out.

Starting Again

I greatly dislike where my life is right now. It just plain sucks. There's a number of reasons why this could be such as:

(1) My husband has been deployed for five months and I'm in the homestretch now.
(2) My last day of work is next week from a company I have been with for three years.
(3) I'm bored and feel stagnant.

I won't go much into the details about my husband's deployment, can't really anyway while it's still going on. Just know that it has at one time put a huge financial burden on me because sometimes shit just happens when they're out of the country.

The employment is enjoyable on days when the ratio of two and three-year olds who actually napped to how many minutes the last child was picked up late for the fiftieth-millionth time this year is at least 7:0 and not 0:15.

Will I miss it? Wouldn't you, after putting three years of your weekday afternoons in a room with a bunch of cranky preschoolers?

Hm, right. What I mean to say is wouldn't you, after playing with, hugging, applying bandaids, reinforcing colors and numbers, teaching them how to use a paintbrush and then watch them 'graduate' to Kindergarten after they started with you when they were two?

There are some things I won't miss, things that while curious and snoop-worthy are not for the internet. Not that I could tell you the entire story anyway because I'm just afternoon staff and not privy to a lot of the details I'd like to be... which may or may not be one of the things I won't miss.

As far as being bored it's from exhausting the avenue of television and finding something that can keep me occupied for more than ten seconds. I may have developed ADHD while my husband has been gone. Undiagnosed, however, so it's not for sure.

Not sure how to turn this funky, stanky, dark, gray mood around although I need to. I worked out today, to try to fight the emotional demons I've been fighting for weeks. Is it successful if you throw up?

Tomorrow, the house is getting some TLC. And sometime within the next two days I'd like to go and get some proper summer attire.

I'm hoping the snowball effect takes hold because I sure as hell won't have the stamina to keep going without something happening in my favor.